Nude Cleaners
I just got a message on MySpace from "Manchester Nude Cleaners". Ooh, what a great name for a band I thought, clicking on the link and finding...
"Hey there Clare Sudbery
How fun would it be to hire yourself a sexy nude cleaner for an hour or two...? (Male or female... or even both!)
Just sit back and relax while one of our friendly cleaners not only does all the hard work for you, but offers you up a fun visual treat at the same time.
We clean, wash cars, clean windows and even mow lawns!
It's fun, it's 100% discrete and it's even cheaper than boring REGULAR cleaners; Prices starting at just £15."
Blimey. I'm slightly disappointed. And I keep thinking... but... Manchester Nude Cleaners? I mean, somehow I can imagine this kind of thing happening in America, or Spain, or at a pinch London... but Manchester?
Not sure what that says about my view of my beloved city (not to mention my naivete), but there you go.
All I can think of is the practicalities of trying to clean someone's loo with no clothes on. And I keep thinking of such things as sweaty hairy dangly balls (a phrase an ex of mine used to use if he wanted to, er, cool his ardour - either that or Cyril Smith's underpants)... ugh.
Update: I just found this on their profile: "You will never want to clean yourself again..."
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"Hey there Clare Sudbery
How fun would it be to hire yourself a sexy nude cleaner for an hour or two...? (Male or female... or even both!)
Just sit back and relax while one of our friendly cleaners not only does all the hard work for you, but offers you up a fun visual treat at the same time.
We clean, wash cars, clean windows and even mow lawns!
It's fun, it's 100% discrete and it's even cheaper than boring REGULAR cleaners; Prices starting at just £15."
Blimey. I'm slightly disappointed. And I keep thinking... but... Manchester Nude Cleaners? I mean, somehow I can imagine this kind of thing happening in America, or Spain, or at a pinch London... but Manchester?
Not sure what that says about my view of my beloved city (not to mention my naivete), but there you go.
All I can think of is the practicalities of trying to clean someone's loo with no clothes on. And I keep thinking of such things as sweaty hairy dangly balls (a phrase an ex of mine used to use if he wanted to, er, cool his ardour - either that or Cyril Smith's underpants)... ugh.
Update: I just found this on their profile: "You will never want to clean yourself again..."
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Labels: Silly
9 Comments:
I think I'm getting a bit old and tired as my first thought on seeing her profile picture was "Ooh no, you don't want to use a mop to clean a window like that". Before then checking out her arse.
I'm glad that they are discrete though; I wouldn't want them cleaning more than one thing at a time.
All that stuff about encouraging the client to take their clothes off too and enjoy being naked made me wonder if it was in fact some kind of naturalist cleaning service... but no, I am just hopelessly naive, aren't I?
Surely it's just a vaguely-inventive call girl service? They can't seriously expect people to strip off in the privacy of their own homes and watch a naked woman dust their shelves without wanting to take things further?
Very cheap though, if that is the case...
To be honest, I think it would be a waste of money hiring a jack-of-all-trades like this. They won't have the specialist skills in either cleaning or prostitution that you could get from spending a bit more and hiring a specialist from each field.
I suspect that the cleaning wouldn't be particularly thorough, and while she might look very cute bending over the skirting board saying "Ooh, I've dropped my duster", I'm not very good at multi-tasking, so at that stage I would be thinking "And you've also missed a bit behind the television".
And even as she was performing an adequate blowjob afterwards I would be thinking "I wonder if she managed to get that bit of mould off the fridge door".
Also, if I was essentially inviting a woman over for sex, even if I was paying for it I would probably think that I should tidy the place up a bit first.
Thankyou SD, for that thorough and well-thought-out response. Next time I'm setting up an escort agency, I will bear all this in mind.
Do you think maybe this is actually just the MySpace of a rubbish cleaner who has thought of a way of simultaneously charging more and getting away with low standards of cleanliness? Quite a good scam if so, although I confess I am worried about her. I want to send her a motherly email asking whether she's thought about getting a bodyguard.
SD, btw, is SV's alter ego. I think maybe what it represents should be left to the imagination... ;o)
OK, I have done some, ahem, research and found this company (NSFW) based in London. I know there is a north/south divide, but £200 an hour compared with £30 in Manchester is an absolute rip-off. And they actually state three times that they don't do a very good cleaning job and won't clean anything messy, even going as far as suggesting that you hire a proper cleaner afterwards. And presumably a proper prostitute as well as, unlike the Manchester company I must keep my clothes on. And as for the rule that I "must not masturbate in her vision"...
Ooh, but she does ironing.
Looking at that website, firstly there is a clear discrepancy. They state that the cleaners will be nude. Whereas in the pictures they are partially clad, in stockings ect.
Secondly, and I quote, "This work is only performed in a domestic situation and only with a single person observing.". The position of the 'only's in there is surely incorrect in terms of grammar. If that is some indicator of their general standards then I would definitely give them a miss.
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