On Being Me

I had an email from a very well-meaning person recently, who was worried about this page here, which is my new home page.

Previously claresudbery.co.uk just pointed straight at this blog, because this is where all the action is and I so rarely update any other parts of my site. But now that I'm attempting to make a living as a writer, it makes sense for claresudbery.co.uk to be, first and foremost, a place to advertise all the clever things I can do.

To be fair the website changes have happened sooner than I intended due to technical complications, so the home page is still pretty rough. There are loads of ways it can be made better, and more appropriate for its intended purpose.

But one of my well-wisher's concerns was about the picture in the background, and the link to this blog, and the fact that erotic fiction is mentioned, and various other things which might not be suitably businesslike.

Since receiving that email I've changed the background picture. It was me and my boobs (the same as Boob Pencil), but now it's some innocuous jumping fishies.

But I've been thinking about it, and the wider attitude it represents, which is that as soon as you start touting for work or doing anything businesslike, you must remove personality from the equation. When you go for a job interview, you wear bland clothes that don't make you stand out too much. Suits, black shoes, maybe a flash of colour here or there but nothing too outrageous. And the same goes for CVs. Make yourself look trustworthy, serious and reliable, and the way to do this is to edit out huge swathes of whatever makes you who you are. Of course, you list your "interests" and, ironically, you want these to make you look "interesting"... but not too interesting.

And then I remembered the quandary I had in the last two jobs I applied for: I wanted to work a four-day week. This kind of thing is unusual in IT, where traditionally the hours are long and the overtime is unpaid. But I thought sod it, and explained at the outset that I wanted this unusual arrangement, and I wanted it so that I could write a novel. I was always myself in interviews, and this means loud, with a big laugh, a lot of honesty, and a tendency to interrupt and go off at tangents. And I got the job, each time. Not only that but I was explicitly told it was my "unusual personality" which landed me the job.

Some employers want employees who don't stand out, who always do as they're told, who are safe and nice and boring. But some don't. And they are ones I want to work for, or with, and should be given the chance to find me.

I did change the boobs for fishes, and I will need to lay things out better, with more info that's easier to find depending on the needs of the browser. And I may need to eat my words... but for now I'm happy that www.claresudbery.co.uk leads quickly to the real Clare Sudbery, and not some sanitised version of me.

Hmmm. I just read this post back and it sounds horribly big-headed. Well, that's me too I suppose. Or at least, it is when I'm not hating myself. Hating myself for loving myself, that is. Hmm.


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